A new book controversially claims the nation has become addicted to feeling anxious. Its psychotherapist author, Owen O’Kane, talks to Sophie Morris about the liberation that comes from acknowledging it
Owen O’Kane is aware that his new book on anxiety will ruffle feathers. With three bestselling books on mental health under his belt, as well as a 30-year career as a psychotherapist and considerable experience as an NHS clinical lead, he knows his subject. He has experienced anxiety himself; navigating the streets of Belfast during the Troubles and growing up gay in a Catholic community.
It made sense for him to be anxious back then, he tells me in the run-up to publication this week. But even once he moved to London as a young adult and was able to enjoy relative safety from the bombs and homophobic bullying, he couldn’t flip a switch and turn off the persistent worry that inhabited him.
Over time, he has learned both to live with the anxiety and accept it, to guide it rather than control it, and to ask questions about common anxious feelings such as fear, dread and catastrophising, instead of avoiding their impact or denying they exist.
“Most people view anxiety as an enemy,” he writes in Addicted to Anxiety. “This is unhelpful? Its aim is to protect you, but it often creates significant distress. I believe many people are addicted to the process of anxiety (which is your anxious self) because it promises safety, less risk and protection.”
That early experience of anxiety shaped O’Kane’s career. It has allowed him to build effective bonds with clients by letting them know that he is human, too, and can empathise with some of their problems. The therapeutic relationship, he explains, is the most important aspect of therapy.
This approach has won him many famous followers: quotes from Davina McCall and Lewis Capaldi adorn his latest book cover, while Matt Willis, Fearne Cotton, Rob Rinder and Will Young all sing his praises.
Still, the central claim of Addicted to Anxiety is controversial. According to the Mental Health Foundation, 60 per cent of British adults experience anxiety on a weekly basis. Is O’Kane saying that all of those people delight in their regular hits of worry, as they might any other addiction, such as a glass of wine or a shopping spree?
“I’m very aware there is that catch-your-breath moment when you see the title,” he says. “I don’t think anxiety has ever been framed in the context of addiction before. But I think for most people, the process of anxiety can itself become very addictive.
“It’s not an official diagnosis,” he adds. “It’s not a topic of discussion in the world of addiction. There are currently no recovery groups. The addiction is to the psychological processes of anxiety.”
” The swell of anxious Brits has brought with it a tsunami of rogue healers. O’Kane is frustrated by self-anointed TikTok “therapists”, false promises and online gurus with no qualfications. At his own gym, a well-meaning trainer had written up advice for tackling anxiety that was contrary to all clinical evidence, telling people to do all the things that maintain anxiety, such as staying in bed if you are having a bad day.
“It would have seemed comforting because, by retreating, you get that short-term hit,” explains O’Kane. “But you’re not going to cure your anxiety in a day, or by repeating a mantra. You’re going to have anxiety for life. I want to deliver something truthful and realistic, showing people how to live with their anxiety.”
How did he make the connection? “If you think of anything that people get addicted to, it comes with a promise, doesn’t it? It promises safety. It promises escapism. It promises to numb the pain. Anxiety is a bit more subtle, but it comes with a big promise. It says: ‘If you listen to me, I will keep you safe. I will protect you.’” Before I open Addicted to Anxiety, and before I know much about
O’Kane, whose previous books are Ten to Zen, Ten Times Happier and How to be Your Own Therapist, I assume the title is clickbaity. But reading it from cover to cover in 24 hours and hearing him defend his proposition in his own words sells me on the concept. His voice is as friendly, reassuring and confidently expert on the page as it is in person.
For anyone new to therapeutic ideas, there is no grandstanding or complicated theoretical language.
The chapters are short and easy to digest, and the message throughout is that you are in charge, not a victim. O’Kane wants us to know that we can do something about anxiety. We are in charge of our feelings, and can learn when to let them out to play, and when to send them packing.
I ask about the nuances between addiction to a substance or something like gambling or shopping.
Surely we don’t get the hit these activities bring from anxiety? O’Kane disagrees. “You do get a hit,” he says. “But you get a different hit. If you stay attached to the process of anxiety, what’s the impact on your life? You don’t put yourself forward for that promotion. You don’t go on dates. You avoid going on holiday. I’m working with a young guy who can’t go anywhere - he can’t get in a car.”
“The hit that anxiety creates in the short term, the not-doing of all of these things, creates a false sense of safety. That’s where the hit is. It’s the short-term relief of not having to face the thing you’re frightened of.”
” Addicted to Anxiety doesn’t offer a quickfix. In fact, it posits that trying to “cure” anxiety is the wrong approach. The advice is to learn to recognise and accept any anxious thoughts.
The very first chapter asks readers to meet their anxious selves. The idea is cringey. Isn’t it like high five-ing yourself in the mirror? O’Kane says so many people shy away from this first, crucial, step, unwilling or unable to look their anxiety in the face and accept that it is part of them.
He remembers an anxiety group he set up during his time at the NHS. “This one guy in the group, a previous drug addict with residual anxiety and mood issues, laughed and said, ‘F**king hell. I thought coming off drugs was hard. This [facing his anxiety] is even harder. I’m hooked.”
If it’s harder than heroin to give up, what hope do most people have? “We think about anxiety happening to us, but we never actually stop and think about our role and our part in maintaining the anxiety,” says O’Kane. “About how attached we get and how much we identify with it. We get addicted to the thoughts, the feelings and the behaviours.”
O’Kane has designed workshopstyle sections to guide readers through this process, from explaining what an anxious thought is and how to quieten your mind, to six steps to deactivate physical anxiety and advice on how to stop and break addictive bad habits.
I wish there were a breezy howto I could share here. But O’Kane insists there is no silver bullet. “You’re the expert in your own anxiety and you get to watch it and see where it goes,” he says.
At present, he is monitoring his own anxious self carefully, given he has a book launch and speaking engagements. He smiles. “It’s incredibly liberating when you recognise that the cortisol [the hormone released by anxiety] will energise you, and keep you focused and passionate, without going down the path of trying to cancel, escape or freeze.”
‘Addicted to Anxiety’ (Penguin, £18.99) is out now